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Biden Plays Hide and Seek
Seth Meyers is tired of waiting for Joe Biden to announce whether he’s running for president. Biden has been dropping hints, and members of his inner circle have leaked tidbits about his decision-making process. But no date has been set for an official announcement.
Meyers said that there was hardly any ambiguity left — but that it’s still painful to have to wait.
“According to The Wall Street Journal, former Vice President Joe Biden has told several supporters that he intends to run for president in 2020. Oh my God, just announce already. It’s like going to a Lou Bega concert and wondering if he’s going to play ‘Mambo No. 5.’ He’s going to.” — SETH MEYERS
“Joe Biden is the kid you played hide and seek with who would hide behind a sheer curtain. We see you.” — SETH MEYERS
Trevor Noah Isn’t Sure About Elizabeth Warren
Trevor Noah was impressed that several of the Democratic candidates for president have expressed support for the possibility of issuing reparations to the descendants of slaves. When a clip came up of Senator Elizabeth Warren — who has apologized for claiming Native American ancestry in years past — articulating that view, Noah expressed a slightly more cautious form of optimism.
“Wow, that is really great to hear. Although I have my eye on you, Elizabeth Warren. I feel like as soon as reparations are passed, she’ll be like, ‘There’s something I didn’t tell you about my ancestry results. I’m also one-20th black! Who knew? I accept cash, check or Apple Pay.’” — TREVOR NOAH
The Punchiest Punchlines (Electoral College Edition)
“According to a new poll, 55 percent of Americans are in favor of abolishing the Electoral College, but unfortunately because of the Electoral College, 55 percent is less than half.” — SETH MEYERS
“I love the N.C.A.A. tournament, but my favorite part is the close-up shots of the chubby trombone player screaming at the camera. The band, wildly cheering for players who won’t even say hello to them. I was in the band, I know.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, celebrating the arrival of March Madness
“The race for the Democratic nomination has barely started, and it’s already getting crazy. Listen to this: Former Democratic Senator Mike Gravel is thinking about running at 88 years old. Eighty-eight. When they heard that, Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden were like, ‘Hey, who’s the new kid?’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
How can President Trump stomach attacking John McCain, a war hero and senator who died last year of brain cancer? “I have another name for people who die,” he says in this faux TV ad: “life quitters.”
Jimmy Fallon played a guessing game with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, whose show “Veep” is about to start its last season.